Where To Begin?

Here is a quote from Stephanie pearl-McPhee, AKA, the Yarn Harlot.

"It is a well-known fact that if you use knitting to manage your stress, you're going to have to choose the project carefully. Small stresses usually demand complex work that can take your mind off your troubles by engaging your intellect. Big stresses, like DEATH, DIVORCE, or MEDICAL TRAGEDY, usually call for large, simple, mindless work, since your intellect has already been trashed by what you are going through."

The month of June found my life floating in the pool with all of the above capitalized sharks.

On June 5th while walking with a friend for exercise- my friend fell and exposed the bones in her left arm. It began a medical mini-tragedy. After surgery, a 4 day hospitalization with a 12 week cast, she is healing slowly.

Divorce drama continues with no end in sight. Now openly dating, my husband is "very Happy", thank you for asking.

On June 14th- we had to have our beloved puppy Steezy put to sleep. She ruptured a disc in her mid-back and was paralyzed from the waist down. My faithful companion is gone.

On June 17th- dear friends lost their beautiful, bright and believing 27 year young son. This puts all problems into crystal clear perspective.

June 18th was the day Evan graduated from High School after keeping us on the edge of our seats (and sanity) for the past month. He is wrestling with some demons and is learning to be a man of his word. Pray for this please.

June 27th was the Graduation Party hosted jointly by Don and I, to honor Evan. To all of the brave a generous souls that came and celebrated Evan's accomplishments, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. He bought a bigger motorcycle the next day.

I find myself doing word of mouth home health care, house sitting and pet care for cash. Every penny I can spare goes into the Michigan trip fund can. I want to rest in the lake, if I can.

I have great friends and family that keep me laughing and loving. Book Club, Bible Study, Wine nights, Craft Night, TGIF's and my ever-present knitting all keep me sane. Red wine, did I mention red wine? Summer break from school was needed.

So, I am knitting baby blankets and hats. Simple, mindless, calming and productive.

I Can See Clearly Now

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way... song lyrics from the olden days. Jimmy Cliff was the original artist and the message in the song was the soundtrack for the era. Clarity is always a good thing. Navigating in the fog, rain, or any foul weather is dangerous and difficult. Clarity makes movement easier.

Well, the other shoe has dropped and the Mister has asked for a divorce and confessed he is dating. He has revealed very clearly to me, that if his lips are moving in my direction, he is lying. So sad to have built a life around a truth that never really existed. Regret is a waste of time. I look to the future. I realize that I will have more storm clouds ahead of me. However, the daily marine layer and the fog of deception is beginning to clear.

One of the blogs I like to follow is called Crazy Aunt Purl. The author of that blog wrote a funny book called; Drunk, Divorced & Covered in Cat Hair. Laurie Perry is a talented and funny writer.


The sub title is the true-life misadventures of a thirty something who learned to knit after he split. I want to offer my rendition; Knitty, Witty, and Fifty with a dusting of Dog hair. By the way she has a simple hat pattern on her site right now that is great. I have knit two in two days for my daughter.

I seem to have the uncanny experience of randomly hearing song lyrics that hit me hard because they are so descriptive and relevant to my life. These encounters with song have left me breathless, panic attacked and some times, comforted. This weekend I went out Palm Desert to spend quiet time with my dear AZ cousin Kim. We ate and drank and talked into the night. It was a gift of time.

On the road, over the mountains, where reception is sketchy at best, I was picking up a country music station. I only heard a snippet, but it was the perfect phrase to describe how I am feeling right now... "it only hurts when I am breathing, my heart only breaks when it is beating, my dreams only die, when I am dreaming."

The dreams of my future are the hardest to let go of. I will have to force myself to stop loving the man I have known for 43 years. I loved him the best I could for 33 of those years. Hate does not come easily to me and I do not think I will get there. I will hate what he did. That I can do. I will knit my way through this with the goal to direct the energy surges into the needles at my fingertips. Productive use of emotions! A new day dawns and it is bright and clear...