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Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mothers Day Meandering

Happy Mothers Day to all of you that are Mothers, and everyone else that had a Mother. I never think of my own Motherhood on this day of remembrance. My husband and children celebrate me with a day of honey-dos. I appreciate those chores more than jewelry and gifts. Blessed, that's me.

The most serious piece of advice I will ever give you is this. If your Mother is alive and you have not made peace with her, do it. The sooner, the better. Your relationship with your Mother ends when you die, not when she does. When I next meet Mom, all of my questions will no longer matter.

I had a complex Mother. She was not a women given over to effusive emotional outbursts. By that, I mean I do not remember her kissing or hugging her children spontaneously. The few people left alive that knew her while she raised her children, are hard pressed to tell tales of overt Mother love. I always wanted more from her than I got. I was a square peg, constantly trying to conform to the round hole.

I remember her today for the things she taught me. Independence. A love of reading, music, art, travel and culture. Respect for this country, voting as a right and a privilege. The freedoms we enjoy by virtue of being born here. Commitment to a cause. How to stretch a dollar, clean a house, sew a garment, cook a decent meal. Keeping up with current affairs, the value of a good education. Life long learning. Saying "yes" to new experiences. Savoring friends as family. Enjoying a glass of good wine when you get the chance. Charity to the less fortunate. How to host a party.

I will ignore her examples of forgiveness, judgment, marriage, religion, childcare, finances, honesty and love. I have been mentored in these disciplines by others. Mothers with out the "M".

Today we miss Don's Mother. For the first time in my life, I did not send a card or flowers to a Mother of mine. Helena was a first class mother-in-law. Even if her first impressions of her future daughter-in-law were unsure, she quickly became my friend. To all of the others- those who parent beyond their immediate family, I raise my glass today. I thank you and my own
Mother for making me the woman and mother I am today. Keep working on me, I am not done yet...

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