Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Back to School
My friends, I must admit that I have bitten off more than I can chew. I will work on working out my school work and schedule, and I will be fine. I am old and strong.
I am having some bizarre emotional fallout from what should have been the empty nest. This Fall I should be driving home from delivering my college freshman son to some university within driving distance. Bawling my eyes out on the freeway.
In Fall 2004, we made that drive to Monterey, CA and deposited my daughter at California State University. She was installed with a new computer, books, bedding, dorm essentials, a monthly allowance, and the beginning of a journey that fulfilled so many growth and learning goals. She graduated with her Bachelor in Communications, Specializing in Moral and Ethical Business Practices. She works here in Encinitas for a Dog Daycare affiliated with the local Humane Society and she is pretty happy. She is mostly self sufficient. I occasionally do her laundry-because I like to. I feel like we gave her every opportunity to grow into the woman that she is meant to be.
My son is another story. It breaks mt heart. He is enrolled in the Woodworking program at Palomar, where he would like to be a Luthier. That is what he wanted to do. He has a full load. He has a beater to drive that he actually likes. He lost his job due to the broken elbow that has healed completely. So, he is looking for work. His computer is the same one we purchased for Brynn in 2004. Slow and old by today's standards.No dorm, no allowance, not even books yet. How is it okay to not provide the same for him?
How did this come to pass? Why did one child get every advantage, while the other takes what he can with very little complaints? He will never know the full import of the differences. But, I do. I am sad. I realize that we are blessed beyond measure. I know that I am feeling sorry for myself and my son. He will never know what it is to move into a dorm and meet a group of people that he will know and love for the rest of his life. To get along with a group of strangers as roommates. Formative and valuable lessons in my book. He claims that this does not bother him. I know that it really does. Why is such a fruitless question...