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Saturday, June 20, 2009

What a Difference a Day Makes

Knitting related and life relating. That is the goal of this blog. I so appreciate the readership and try not to stray too far off in any direction. However, there has been a fork in the road ahead of me and it has created changes never before explored. Never before anticipated. Never desired. Some knitting has come unraveled.

After 30+ years together, my husband has left me. He informed me of his decision on June 1st. He moved out on June 9th. Oddly, I feel shock, sadness and the mysterious comfort of purpose . I remain here in our home with the space vacated by his departure. It was jarring to see his empty closet, missing stereo, empty medicine chest, etc. Coming into the house, my son and I were cautiously taking in the changes and processing his absence. I thought how much different it would be if he had died and left no empty spaces in our physical home. A shirt to smell, his pillow beside mine. Little things, weird none the less. When you have spent a lifetime considering the needs of another human, it is hard to turn off the brain and the heart.

So, you have not heard from me since May 30th. June 1st began my new reality. Just one day between altered worlds. I am thrilled to have been commissioned to knit a Four Seasons throw in Black for a friend. Victorian mourners wore a black armband at the very least when they suffered a loss. Jewelry, clothing, even nightclothes all in black. Knitting with black Manos wool at this time and in this place seems appropriate.

If only I had a black dog that shed black hair...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

When I found out my husband was talking to an old girlfriend, now let me tell you we have been married 29 years so this old girlfriend was from the time before we were married. I was having anxiety attacks thought I was having a heart attack. I read an article on the internet "What to do if you do not want a divorce." It basically said don't become a pleading "I need you back I can't live without you" person. Show him that you are independent and you will survive without him. Don't do the crying routine. Do not let him know you are devastated. My husband came back. I am not sure if that is what you want but do not play the role of weak and become strong, pray and drink a little wine.